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Monday, May 16, 2011

Priest






PITCH






VIEWING

            I believe we all had the same intuition about Priest prior to the opening weekend...  It has the potential to be good and the exact same amount of potential to suck.  Since Thor did such an excellent job last week of being the official jump-off for the summer blockbuster fest, I became more compelled to see if Priest could keep the ball of momentum rolling.

          Since this was a graphic novel adaption to the big screen, Scott Charles Stewart [director] helped those of us who haven't read the Korean-based comics with a visual preamble.  The audience was briefed by an animated story about the origins of the wars between humans and vampires.  Then we are introduced to the main characters in the movie.  The walled-in city was next up for an explanation.  A dark Vatican-like city filled with post-apocalyptic decor and melancholy long-faced human inhabitants populated this city and they all are ruled by the church.


            Similar to but more serious than a satire of the Catholic church, the population that dwelled there including the protectors of that land called the Priests were under strict rule of the church.  Priests were somewhat of a Jedi-like order that swore to protect all humans from vampires. Even they were subject to rule under the preface of this one line: "To go against the church is to go against God".  This  was said at nauseam to instill order.  Of course a terrible thing happens that involves vampires outside the walls and there is one Priest that is compelled to be insubordinate to the laws of the land and leave on a solo mission to take care of this menace.   In spite of the direct orders of the church to withdrawal from his campaign he decides to "go against God".
          The one-liners were so shallow in this proverbial action flick.  The story was weak. No chemistry between the love interest(s).  Character development was inept.  I truly didn't feel or care for anyone in this story.  As a matter of fact, the Marshall/cowboy was so irritating that I was really hoping that he got what was coming to him early so that we could continue with the main plot.  Whether he got what was coming to him or not is left up in the air... no spoilers here.


          Speaking of shallow, this movie contained some of the most ridiculous action scenes that I have ever seen in cinema... down-right insulting stuff.  In fact I would like to make a list off the top of my head right now , in order
  1. Dang near every action scene in Priest besides those from the lady Priest (she was sweet).

  1. The roundhouse kick of the needle from Blades foot to dead-center of  Deacon Frost's head Alibi: It worked because the rest of the movie was awesome.  The original Blade is at the two spot for best vampire movies ever made... maybe number one.
  2. The slow-mo flamingo kick Trinity gave an agent in the Matrix. Alibi: Like Blade, the rest of this movie was so awesome that she could have sneezed in slow-motion and it would have looked great.
  3.  Every single kick and punch performed in StreetFighter the movie.  Alibi: The director was trying to keep the action authentic to the video-game.
  4.  Rocky's jabs to Clubber Lang's face stopping short about a foot and Clubber's head still jerking back .  It was like Mr.T was saying "Yes, Yes, Yes".  Alibi:  Rocky III was and still is a classic.  We didn't care, in fact it's considered taboo to point that out! [shame on me!]
 

           The moves in Priest put all the ones mentioned above to shame and I'm not exaggerating. Above all that, again, the Cowboy/Marshall character was the most irritating aspect of the movie! So prideful; So arrogant and stupid he made it extremely difficult to feel an ounce of compassion towards him or his cause.  
          Since it's only available in 3D we have no choice but to pay the extra $.  For that and everything else mentioned above this movie just isn't worth your dollar.  I strongly urge you to wait for DVD for this D grade of a flick.


WORTH
$




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